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HIS DARK PARADISE
The twilight starts fading into the darkness of rapidly falling night making the purple tinted firmament to transform into a vast expanse of jet-black canopy, with the moon glinting and ceding dim light on the land.
A trembling gush of winds inaudibly drifted across the skyline. The swaying of trees and rustling of leaves could be heard but can’t be seen as the encompassing darkness had blemished all but the faintest light.
Though the darkness spreading outside is momentarily, which’ll vanished with the dawn of sun, the very next day. But the never ending darkness of my insides consumed everything of my life making it depict an obscure grotto of loneliness.
I smile, a smile which mocked me, twitching my insides at the loss I endured due to my own praxis.
Had I understood her pain, her tribulations, her sufferings, her torment, her ache, her travail earlier, than today she would’ve been with me - laughing and enjoying her life.
But who is responsible for all those sufferings of her- my conscience mocked me, making me ashamed of myself while my eyes become blurry with the tears which rolled down my cheeks.
I still remember the day I met her-the beautiful and lovely girl of Rampur Village who carries a childlike innocence with her, and that is what makes me fall for her.
I was looking at the land shown to me by Mr. Dhyanchand when I heard the giggling sound of someone. Looking in the direction from where the sound was coming I found a beautiful girl with flawless marble white skin wearing a magenta colour ghagra-choli playing with some four-five kids. Her eyes were covered with a black cloth and she was trying to catch one among the naughty kids.
I was not aware when my legs on my own accord starts moving towards her until she collided with me making me stumble few steps back while I placed my arms on her waist to gain the balance.
“Caught you! Hey! But when’d you become so tall?” I heard her say and a smile etched on my perfect M-shaped lips at the innocence she carried with her.
I waited with my bated breath for her to realise the obvious. As if on the cue, she removed her hands from my manly chest and open her blindfold making her hazel eyes to collide with my caramel orbs and as if time stood still for me.
I would have continued to stare in her beautiful eyes if she’d not started wiggling in my arms making me frown.
“Leave me.”
“Huh!” I asked not giving an ear to her words, just staring at her pinkish lips, which I so much wanted to devour.
“Arey! Leave me!”
This time I heard her say that loudly and reluctantly removed my hands from her waist while she ran away mumbling an inaudible sorry making me stared at her retreating figure.
A smile automatically formed on my lips remembering our first meet which had left its impact on my heart which’ll last forever and that very moment I’d decided that she’ll be mine.
That day I was happy to come to that village and met her- the love of my life, but today… today I regret the same day when I’d met her... if I’d not met her that day then she would’ve been married to someone who would’ve cherish her till eternity rather than snatching every ounce of delectation from her life.
When I’d taken those sacred vows around the fire with her, I’d promised her to be the one who’ll provide her truth, love, happiness, prosperity and trust. But I’d failed her…. I’d failed her big time.
I closed my eyes ashamed at my own deeds which’d left me of nowhere because for a fact I knew that I’d destroyed my own life due to my own pride.
Had I ever given priority to my love rather than all those worthless things, then life would’ve been so blissful.
But no… I and my ego had crumbled down everything, leaving me alone with remorse.
Tears trickled down my eyes as I remember the very next morning after my wedding day.
“Why are you wearing this?” I asked her seeing her clad in red colour ghagra-choli.
“Ji?”
“Ofo! Change it. If someone sees you wearing this then they’ll think how a leading business tycoon can married a village girl. I’ve already changed your wardrobe. There are many beautiful saris. Wear one from it and come downstairs,” saying this I left for downstairs, neither acknowledging her sad face nor giving a chance for her to speak.
That was the first but not the only time I’d hurt her. Time and again I’d hurt her reminding her of her status in my own pride and ego.
Loving her was my decision, choosing her for becoming my wife was also my decision and marrying her too was my decision, but when I’d forget all this I myself didn’t remember.
I’d loved her for what she was, but as soon as I married her all I’d ever thought about was the high-class society I lives in.
I, Arnav Singh Raizada - a person known for his achievements, success, splendour, good looks and what not is here sitting alone like always.
In childhood, I lost my parents in a car accident when I was only four and from then I was brought-up by my grand-mother who too left me as soon as I turn twelve year old to live a life of loner.
I’d seen this world caring only for those who’d money, name and fame and from then the thrust to earn all this have ignited in me making me forget everything else. And for what I would’d remember anything else? For those blood sucking animals out in the world who just wants you for their own benefits or those leeches who’ll stick to you till you’d all these worldly luxuries. But things have changed when I met her.
Khushi - the love of my life and the shining star of my dark night.
But what did I do? I thwarted her out of my life in my own ego and pride to satisfy my own megalomania.
Huh! The girl I’d married to bring light in my hollow life. I, myself had become the blemish of her beautiful life. And that is the reason that today once again I’m standing in this palatial mansion alone - with no one to talk, laugh or cry.
I move towards my bed and stared at the big life-size portrait hanging on the wall above the bed.
Her eyes in the portrait are dancing with mirth, but reality is far away from it.
And why not? I’d never left a chance to demean her.
Another hurtful memory came in front of my eyes where I’d told her off in front of people.
It was now two months to my marriage and today I’ve been invited with my wife to attend my partner Rehaan’s birthday party.
I got ready in a black tuxedo, my hairs gelled backwards making me look hot. Smirking I turn back only to stop dead in my track upon finding my wife in a white shimmering sari, making her look ethereal.
Smiling we went away for the venue to attend the party, though I wasn’t liking the way her flaunting exposed back was visible from her low cut blouse. But still! I maintain my cool, as I know definitely it’s matching my standards.
After reaching the venue when we both came out of our car and starts walking on the path leading us inside, the appreciation I saw in every other person’s eye was something to behold.
Feeling proud of my choice I went and wished my partner Rehaan and introduced her to my wife.
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We both were enjoying the party when the dance floor opens and even before I could ask Khushi for a dance, Rehaan’s sister- Laila asked me for dance and I went away from there leaving Khushi disappointed.
But she as usual faked her smile and keep standing there. Though I felt little bad for her, but then I couldn’t have denied Laila.
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I was dancing with Laila when my eyes landed on Khushi who came on the dance floor with Rehaan, and soon both starts dancing with each other.
All this while one of Rehaan’s hand was touching Khushi’s bare waist.
How dare he? Only I’ve the right to touch her. Only I!
I fumed seeing someone else this close to Khushi.
Not able to take this anymore I left Laila and snatched my wife from him, and then we starts dancing to the tunes of Teri Meri…
My dance was aggressive, I knew. But what could I do. She has dared to let someone else touch her, knowing well I don’t like to share things which’re mine, not at any cost!
I still remember, that day, how whole day I’d not talked to her. Hell! I’d even accused her of wanting someone else’s solace to satisfy her sinful desires.
I closed my eyes knowing the wound I’d given her that day hadn’t only pierced her heart but her soul.
“What do you think of yourself Khushi?” I asked jerking her back still reeling that Rehaan’s hand on her bare waist.
“What? What happened?” I heard her say in a meek voice, but that doesn’t affect me even a bit.
I hold her shoulders in my tight grip and jerk her towards me, making her scared, but I cared less.
“What happened? You’re asking me this?” I asked her amused at the ease with which she asked me.
Here I am burning in hell with the mere glimpse of him touching my wife and there she has no effect of the same, I thought enraged at the way she is behaving with me.
“You? How could you behave so casual about it?” I asked her only to find her looking totally clueless towards me.
“But what had I done that you’re getting so angry?” she asked totally confused.
Good! Very good! Now only this was left, I thought after hearing her say that.
Angrily, I move towards the dining table, taking the jug filled with water I came back to my previous place and pour whole water filled in the jug on Khushi.
“Aw... Wha… Ar… Arnav… What’re you doing?” she asked at last gathering her wits after the stunt I pulled on her looking at her sari which has become wet now.
Smirking, I looked at her wet edible form and said “Well! Just trying to make you conscious after such a strong drink which you’d in the party today.”
Though my comment was sarcastic, but my innocent wife couldn’t get the same.
“Haw! You think that I’d taken a drink? How could you Arnav? You very well know that I don’t drink,” she said furrowing her brows.
At this I just shook my head and said satirically “Oh! So you didn’t? Well! I thought you did. Actually the way you were letting that Rehaan touch your bare waist, I really thought that you got drunk that’s why you were allowing it to happen.”
“But, it was just a dance. And you only had told me to behave like a girl from high society. So…” she trailed off.
“Huh! Very good. Getting clever. Isn’t it? Don’t misuse my words to satisfy your bloody hormones,” I blasted out angrily at her and left from there towards my study room.
That time I was so into myself that I’d forgotten about Khushi. Hell! How can I even think about her like that? But no… I and my famous anger which’d shattered everything and now what remains are just the remnants of it.
I smiled ruefully, and then opening the side drawer I took out a white piece of paper – a paper which contains the heart of my Khushi- a heart which I’d broken into zillions of pieces. I still remember the day when I’d came back from office, tensed as to how to make her understand, only to get the biggest shock of my life upon seeing her lying in pool of blood with her left hand’s wrist slit with the knife which she was holding in her right hand and this same letter lying on the bed.
Opening its folds, I traced the blue ink scribbled on it while tears escaped from my eyes, falling on the paper.
Not caring for it I started reading the letter again with my blurry eyes.
Dear Arnav,
You must be wondering that why am I writing this letter to you when I can talk to you in person. Right?
Well! In answer to this all I’ll say to you is that till the time you’ll get this letter I’ll be no more.
Please never think that I don’t love you. I do… I really do… It’s just that now I can’t bear all this anymore. I’ve no more life to carry the baggage of sorrows on my shoulders.
It’s not that I never try. I tried as much as I can Arnav, but now it’s not working. Day-by-day I was becoming hollow from inside still I tried. I tried for you, for the love due to which we got married. But not anymore Arnav… not anymore…
I know that you’d brought me in your life as a ray of hope to remove the darkness of your life. And believe me Arnav, I tried my best. But now when I myself had only darkness in my life then what would I give you? Nothing- nothing at all.
I married you Arnav with a dream to be cherished forever. Your money, your name, all these things were never my concern. But I think it was yours. And thus I adapted it. I adapted it Arnav not because I wanted to flaunt all this but because it brings a smile on your face.
And Arnav honestly, I can do anything to bring that smile, but you were never satisfied Arnav. You always wanted more but how much hard I may try at the end of the day it all goes in vain.
Because the moment I became the one you always wanted me to be… you started finding faults in it. When I was living a life of village girl that time you wanted me to be a high class society girl and when I became one of them you wanted me to be back to what I was. It all hurts me so bad but still I maintain my calm. I even assured myself when nights after nights I keep waiting for you but you never came back and when you did either you would shout at me or ignore me.
In all this you never saw my tears, the way I was breaking down. But still I tried to collect my shattered form thinking it to be my fault and comes up to your expectations because I loved you… I really loved you from the core of my heart.
But all hell broke loose when that day I, from my own eyes saw you in Laila’s arms. That day it felt that the string with the help of which I was living too broke the same way my trust broke. But still for one more time I tried… I tried for my love, for our relation but what I got in return?
Instead of answering my questions you were blaming me… Me from all the people? That too for spying on you. You even went on saying that you regret marrying me. That very moment the broken pieces of my heart which I was holding close to myself, shattered in a way that now they can’t be mended ever.
So here I am freeing you not only from this marriage but also from myself for forever and ever.
At last I’ll say you that I love you Arnav… even after trying to hate you I still love you. Never hold yourself responsible for my death and never ever try to hurt yourself because in return it’ll hurt me.
Yours Khushi
I traced ‘I love you Arnav’ with my fingers and give out a teary smile.
“Yes Khushi! I know! You’d always loved me. It was only me who could never give justice to your love. It’s not I never loved you. It’s just that in my megalomania I forget the love of my life, taking it for granted and now the punishment for the same is my loneliness and those memories where I’d hurt you, which now haunts me,” I murmurs with tears descending from my eyes.
~ Sometimes loving someone is not all you’ve to do for a blissful marriage, as it requires truth, trust, support, respect and understanding too.
P.S.: Written this for Geet Anni Thread now posting over here :)
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